so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Drunk is a universal language darling
Randomize
