i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I'm wearing a sports bra. Of course I'm not getting laid tonight.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
