Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
I pretty much gave up on you when you told me you couldn't go home yet b/c you had to stop at church first. It was 2 AM and you insisted you were late for mass.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
He did a backflip because drugs
Randomize