Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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