I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
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