it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
Curdled. you forgot that word. It was a curdled buttery nipple shot.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
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