I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
don't go home with that guy from jersey
i know, not worth the blood test
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
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