Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
