I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
Come see our sink grown plant.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Randomize
