I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
Listen, this was just a tiny lapse of judgement.
I'm pretty sure that's not a synonym for pregnancy.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
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