So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
it was an ACCIDENT
it was a DICK
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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