I want to walk on stilts...naked
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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