Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
you know it is a bad morning when you forget to brush your teeth and eat old gas x in your car because its minty...
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
I have before 2 am pics and after 2am pics, which do you want to see first?
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
Randomize
