Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Randomize
