mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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