U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
OK WHO CHANGED MY RING TONE TO LADY AND THE TRAMP AND CHANGED EVERY CONTACT IN MY PHONE TO 'SOME GUY I FUCKED'?
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Aside from the fact that im drinking wine straight from the bottle to save doing dishes, im also standing in front of the oven to save turning on the heater. its gonna be a rough winter.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
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