Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
