I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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