ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
Randomize
