I want to make a zoo with you.
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
