Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
How do I convince my friend not to get tattoo tributes to her cats?
WHO DOES THAT
I told her it'd send up tons of red flags and she responded by telling me they're her babies. And she's sober.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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