the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
Randomize
