Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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