he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
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