I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We named our party play list daddy issues
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
