so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
he just told me his nickname was "nickexplodeon"
does that mean he doesn't last long?
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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