I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
