So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I scrubbed the bathroom, smoked a bowl, and gave myself 3 orgasms. If the world ends today, I feel accomplished.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
