the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
I don't think I've ever met a guy with a bush bad enough that I would choose a cactus over it.
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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