I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
I'm not fucking any of these fools. But if they want to buy me Olive Garden, that's their business.
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