Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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