Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
The guy drove to our house at 6am to sell us weed. Now that's customer service.
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Randomize