i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize