i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
Also this freshmen guy is talking about his gag reflex and no one is making blowjob jokes. I have no faith in the next generation.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
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