pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Randomize
