Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
Randomize
