Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
Its mothers day and I have choke marks around my neck. Thanks for that.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
