Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
