can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
I wish i could tell a story about guys I know without the phrase "and then I blew him." coming up.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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