Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
Randomize
