Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
