I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
Randomize
