I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so he made me dinner last pm @whch point i askd if i could help out. he hands me his fucking laundry and asks me 2 do it
only you. it could only happen to you.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
