I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
My eyes feel like they're throwing up and I am the only human on campus
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize
