I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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