Pappa wants mamma naked
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I took a hang over nap infront of the door to my 9am class
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
