i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
