I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
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