At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
She got the hiccups while deep throating me. It was epic. Once in a lifetime experience.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Randomize
