I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
he brought with him gifts of cookie dough and penis. upgrading our relationship from fwb's to bf/gf was an incredibly smart merger.
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
