All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
Randomize