After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
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