My lunch today consisted of going on the brewery tour with my boss. Free pretzels and two free beers.
I hate you.
To be fair, the beers are only 8 ounces each. So maybe you just kinda dislike me.
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
Its official. Iv'e been kicked out of a bar in every state. I would like to take my job and travel time for allowing this to happen.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
Randomize
