just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
