I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
