there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
Randomize
