I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
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