i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
Randomize
