Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
