How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
No I'm not okay I had a crush on the singer of Tokio Hotel for four months and now you tell me he's a dude?
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
We have so much sex to catch up on
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
Randomize
