her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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