Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
