Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
