I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
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