She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
