Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
FUCK WHALES
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
