I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
