i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I would ride that face into the sunset
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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