the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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