One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
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