Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
It's like God shit irony all over that family
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
