in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
McDonald's and a car nap. I feel kinda human
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
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