I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
The fact that you screamed, "Alf is my spirit animal!" is proof enough that we're too old for peyote.
He could only go see Deadpool without his girl if he was black-out drunk... because spoilers. They're the perfect couple.
I want to buy weed from this guy on Tinder but I'm not sure I should trust him...but it's free delivery
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
I think my dick has healed enough that we can start having sex again
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